Doin' Time on my Behind

"I'm gonna..." blah blah blah

2011-01-23T17:00:00.004-05:00

I'm trying to stop saying "I'm gonna..." and just do the things I want to do. The things I need to do in all aspects of my life. Like Nanowrimo, and write, and save money, and clean, and figure out a more suitable career path, and etc. So, what's the first thing I do... sit here and talk about it. Well, I'm not really talking all the details. Just giving a general idea of what I'm talking about. This change has come about in baby steps. In part, through reading books (or blogs?) about writing. Someone wrote that people who talk too much about their writing, never really get around to writing it. It's as though the use of energy is wasted in their talking about it. And then the listeners give too much feedback that stops the process. I may be combining what two different people hypothesized, but that's how it lodged in my head. Also, I've always been the type who thought New Years Eve resolutions seemed a little odd. All of the adults in my life always chose something that they didn't stick with for more than a few days. So, why say something, that you know you aren't going to stick with, was what I found myself thinking. And it seemed like, the louder they said it and the more people they told... the shorter length of time they stuck with it.

So here I am, trying to just do the things I need to do. I've been trying to do this for awhile now. And it's getting a smidge easier. I'm talking about it today because I'm excited. Today I got off my butt, in frigid temps. And instead of having the Sunday blues -- dreading work tomorrow -- and hiding in the apartment, we went to the Horse Expo. While it wasn't much for a non-horse owner, it was also something HUGE. I got to meet a Friesian. I've loved Friesians since I was a teensy little girl. Not only did I get to see a Friesian up close, I got to see it ridden by Julio Medoza. Apparently, a very good rider/trainer. Friesians. Nice. It took my breath away. I almost cried. What a gorgeous creature. A living machine. omigod. Do I sound like a whackadoo? I can't help it. There are just certain breeds that I've always wanted to see, and this was one.

Yay me.

Now, gotta go. Things to do. And I'm not gonna say just what. Have a great evening.

Random Rambling... days later

2011-01-22T19:18:00.003-05:00

I wrote this blog over a week ago and while surfing for snowy photos to go with it, checking my email, and getting on a look-alike site for a banking site by accident, I ended up with a virus. I've had access to different portions of my laptop since then, but I'm just now getting around to salvaging my documents, photos, and things. I decided to go ahead and post my blog... even though it was written a little while ago. I'm still feeling pretty much the same way. Except that I'm now reading Olive Kitteridge by Elizabeth Strout.

Random Rambling

It’s a snow day and I’m home. I’m away from the semi-desk job and able to volunteer shoveling for the first hour and a half of my morning. I’m out of shape. It nearly killed me and it felt great. Now I’ve got the day to wander around the apartment. My plan is to clean a little, read a little, and write a little. And I thought I’d start by blogging. But I have nothing to say except to ramble. So here goes:

I’m reading the second book in the Fever series by Karen Marie Moning. I usually don’t like a lot of science fiction/fantasy type of things. I can read about vampires a bit and I can stray into Stephen King’s strange worlds but I usually don’t stray much beyond that. When my friend told me this is about Faery’s and the war between Faery’s and mankind…and she went on and on…. I put on a smile and a nod here and there. I agreed to read them because she’s my good friend. But I really didn’t want to. The opening of the book was with a young lady sunning by the pool, talking about her nails and the color of her bikini. And I really thought I’d never make it through the book. And then there’s the dilemma of how to tell a friend that you didn’t like their favorite book. Aargh. But, I’m not only liking the book, I’m in the second in the series. The character is “girlie”; pink, lacy, and frilly and I’d rather change a tire than bake a cake or paint my nails (you’d have to stop picking at your nails so you’d have some to paint I’d imagine). But even so, this character is fun to read. Each chapter keeps me going to the next. There are many characters in each book, and I can easily remember who is who.

I’m reading so much more because my oldest son gave me a Kindle for my Christmas gift and I love it. Love it. LOVE IT! I was one of those people who thought electronic readers would be terrible. I’m usually the last person to electronically update anything. (my children also bought me a blue-ray player because when they came to visit, they wanted to watch quality movies…. It was only about a year ago I finally threw out the remainder of my VHS movies. Nevermind that my VCR had been inoperable for about two years). I had read a post by Nathan Blansford on his blog… something like myths about eReaders… and I began to wonder if I’d like one. But I still had no plans to get one. My family members thought I should have one. And I love it. I no longer fall asleep the second I start reading. I think that’s because I can enlarge the print at night when I’m sleepy and when my eyes are tired and because I stay more active; “turning” the pages more quickly. I’ve read three full books since Christmas… a record for me. I’ve always carried books with me everywhere I go but it’s even easier to carry this and pull it at when waiting in lobbies and etc. And they also gave me the cover that attaches in the spine and lights via the kindle power source… so I can read in the car at night. Fabulous!

I’m writing. More than last year. But still not as much as I should. I “failed” at Nano. But I don’t consider it a fail. I just didn’t make the word count. But I continued to learn a lot. Writing with that quantity, and I had a topic that I felt passionate about (someone’s butt I wanted to kick), I was able to practice making my chapters move one to the next. Each chapter having it’s own climax. Yah, clearly I don’t know what I’m talking about in a way. I really need to take some classes or read more plot books. But the really good authors who are able to make each chapter exciting and move into the next…. I had a bit of that this time around. And that was exciting. What wasn’t exciting was worrying about the fact that … because I’m a social worker, no matter what my plot is, I feel like that in every story I write, there’s going to be someone saying “you wrote about me”. And how to make sure it seems fictional enough. Unless I write about the flying, purple, people eater… someone can say “hey, you wrote about me”. Oh wait…. There’s already a flying, purple, people eater…. Crap! There’s my dilemma! When I worry about that…I get stuck again.

Speaking of work… my “real” work… the work that feeds me and takes all my energy away from writing… I’m so burnt out. I love working with the kids. The children themselves are tiresome but amazing. But I’m so burnt out. I’m sick of the politics. I’m sick of the hoops. I’m sick of the endless line of referrals (good news is I’ll always have a job…bad news is that it’s mentally ill/at-risk/abused youth!). I’m so sick of the news about “shooters” and people blaming guns when we are raising thousands (or millions) of children who do terrible things every single day. Then something hits the news and we want to talk about gun control. I’m sick of reactionary. Where’s prevention? Where’s realistic help for our children? Our mentally ill? I’m sick of the drama on the news and everyone’s opinion and placing the blame…. You wanna know where the blame is? On each and every one of us. On the parents. On our society who have raised people to feel entitled enough to think it’s okay to “just do it”. You want to do something to help? Volunteer in a youth center. Become important in a child’s life. Stop living your life in an entitled and bullying manner – children ARE watching and modeling after you. Make it so that money HAS to go into mental health…preventative. Don't be reactionary. Put your opinion away… you know what they say about opinions and body parts…..everyone has one. Shut the heck up about your opinion and your drama and do something about our society. It’s not the damn gun or the damn bullet…it’s what our attitudes are doing to our children. What has your attitude done to a child today? (oh, and by the way, when i rant and use the word "you" I mean society, not the person whose ear I'm bending)

Anyway… I’ve been considering – strongly – a career change. Too many years of watching our children become more mentally ill, more abused, more neglected. Watching adults become bullies even more, then wonder why bullying in schools is a norm. Wonder why we can’t stop bullying in schools? Listen to adults speak for five minutes. And I’m not talking about politicians and campaign crap. Bring it down to the daily functioning of the adults raising our children and how our children learn to function daily. I’m supposed to teach children to function differently when all other adults behave like dolts? I'm supposed to be able to predict which child on my caseload will grow up to be a murderer when each child on my caseload is so full of hurt, anger, and mental illness that each one could potentially tip over that edge. I’m tired of it and want a change. I just don’t know what to do instead. Yet, when it comes down it, it’s hard to leave the kids. There’s always at least one that’s making improvement that I feel like I can’t leave just yet.

Ah well.

So, today, I’ll ramble at whomever will listen. I’ll yell at the tv when the news is on… and I’ll read, write, and putter around and clean. Try to live in my fantasy world today and hope my characters speak to me a lot. And admire the writers whose characters have such loud voices.

Have a great and loving day.

Still Nano'ing

2010-11-18T21:21:00.004-05:00

I am still Nano'ing. Some days I write like crazy, some days I'm just crazy, and some days I don't write at all. I'm behind. I'm at 20, 019 words. It's a respectable word count even though i'm behind. I'm motivated but not too stressed about getting the "win". Because the win for me is the process.... the improvements.

My characters are strong. I like that I'm learning how to move the story. I like that I'm not hung up on whether or not it's good enough....after all, it's Nano, and if i decided to type my grocery list, that would be good enough. Fortunately, I haven't had to do that. I don't have much detail or much description yet. I'm a little afraid that while i'm in a moment of thinking about what the characters are doing that if i get too descriptive, i'll lose track of where they are going. I feel like it's either describe the room and the dress or describe the action. I don't feel like i can do both. Oh... imagine the word count if i keep enough focus to do both!

okay, off to either Nano or go to bed. It was a really rough day at work, and tomorrow is predicted to be worse. Maybe I'll just type my grocery list.....

Nano Day Two

2010-11-02T20:59:00.002-04:00

I'm taking a break from Nano'ing and thought I'd blog. It's going well. I'm very pleased with what I learned from last year and how it's coming out this year. Five thousand, five hundred words in two days. Woohooo! It's a miracle. I didn't have an outline or a plot (you know plot is my biggest weakness if you know me at all). But I had a small family of characters in mind. And so far, they are coming out onto paper fairly easily.

I know that won't last. But so far, so good.

The biggest change for me, is how my chapters are shaping up. I'm not sure what it's called exactly, but the movement, the rise and fall of each chapter, is much easier this year. The tension and excitement of each chapter, that moves it to the next, actually exists. I'm soooo excited about that. I've been reading and studying how other authors move me from one chapter to the next. I'm a slow learner. I can never say, "Ah, Ms. Writer is doing this" or "Mr. Author used that technique". But i could say "ah, i liked that book ALOT!" and could think more about whether it's voice or plot. And noticed that it usually had alot to do with how one chapter moved into the next.

And this year, my chapters are starting to move.

Baby steps, baby!

Nano time of year

2010-10-31T20:36:00.003-04:00

Here we go again.

Last year, I made it to the word count. And those pages are safely stored in a notebook, on a shelf. There was something very satisfying about printing them and feeling the weight of the paper from one MC. It was a good excercise in doing time on my behind. I learned some things from that. I didn't end up creating something publishable -- at least, not in a way that I know of just yet. There are too many characters that are too much like folks I know in real life. And no real plot. But I made progress and learned a few things last year. Let's see if I can learn anything this year.

Whew.... here I go again.

Which way to go? (AKA plot woes)

2010-09-09T21:31:00.003-04:00

I had a day off from work. It was wonderful. I was able to spend it wisely; on my behind! I wrote well over 1700 words today, at my leisure. Without feeling pressed for time but still feeling like I have no idea where I'm going with any of it.

Plot is so difficult for me. So I dug out my copy of Plot & Structure by James Scott Bell and started reading again. I have two characters in my head whose voices are so strong. I just don't know what to do with them. But after reading a bit about Plot, Mr. Bell helped me realize that I'm totally stuck in the middle of the story. No beginning and definately no end. And that's probably why I feel like there isn't any movement in my story. Because there isn't. I ended up writing about my MC's beginning today.

I feel productive...but dang, i wish the road signs were more clear and the path better lit.

Imaginary Friends

2010-08-12T19:48:00.008-04:00

We were camping recently and while we were exploring, I realized that exploring the abandoned buildings was a lot like writing for me; interesting, exhilarating, and more than a little scarey. I was looking out into the bright sunlight, where I wanted things to move. Where I want my imaginery friends and made up stories to move. From the confines of my own head and out into the light where others can see.

Writing Progress: uncertain of the word count. But I've brought out a story that I had put away because I didn't know how to make one character more real. Recent experiences have helped me define the character a little better and I'm feeling inspired.

Welcome Home!

2010-07-26T12:21:00.003-04:00

My son is home. He’s been home for two and a half weeks. Safe and sound on America soil. Thank goodness for that. I would have announced it sooner but I didn’t know what to say about it. I was too emotional to avoid saying things that would land me in court. How much of a son’s business is a mom allowed to tell? When someone intentionally harms your child, how long do you sit back and let it go? My children and I talk, yell, and stop-talking about this very issue off and on over the years as I’m sure every parent and child does. Of course, they remind me that the answer is that they aren’t children anymore. What an odd dance it is. They grow up and become adults and demand to be treated as such. Yet the parent never stops worrying; just has to find a new way to do it.

So, he’s home. Just before he came home, he found out his new wife was losing her mind. Perhaps literally, perhaps not. Either way, she had decided that she wanted to live a single life. And just before he came home, his buddy was KIA. And just before he came home he witnessed an event that would shake the rest of us to our core and maybe make us lose our minds. But wonderful, stable, calm, solid guy that he is, he keeps puttering along. And he returns home. Greeted by mom and family because his “wife” is MIA. (I’ll refrain from cursing here). He begins to file for divorce and lo and behold, guess who suddenly doesn’t want the single life. You guessed it. (I’ll refrain from further cursing here.)

But my son is solid, kind, and somehow much farther along a gentle philosophical path than his momma. He is standing firm on his life path and reminding her that she chose single life. He wishes her well and is continuing with the divorce. And his career. And his life. Good for him.

So, kudos to my son for being such a strong and decent human being. Kudos to all military spouses who stand by their men/women without waivering. And HURRAH HE’S HOME!!!!!

Waiting again

2010-06-24T18:59:00.005-04:00

In November 2008, I was anxiously waiting for my youngest son to return from Iraq. Now I'm anxiously waiting for my oldest son's 2nd redeployment. Ooooh, you'd think I'd be better at this waiting thing by now. But I'm not.

I'm worse.

I know that there is limited contact as he will begin his movement across the country. From his FOB to the place where they'll put him on a plane and start his trip half way around the world. And I know that for security reasons, I can't post count-downs, and specific comments on webpages and in public areas. So, I have to keep some of my excitement to myself. That's even if I had an exact date for his arrival, which at this point, I don't. And even if i did, it would change. But the tentative date is soon.... relatively speaking. I worry that I won't get enough notice to make the Baltimore to Fayetteville drive and I'll miss his flight arrival. Ugh, there are so many things to be happy about and so many things to be stressed about.

I want to clean house with this nervous and excited energy. I don't. I wander around and get distracted from each task I start. I want to write, but heck, I couldn't focus on writing before this impatient waiting.... now it's even more impossible. I have an even better excuse to keep my hiney out of the chair now. So, I just wander around and wait for that phone call and refresh the facebook page and the email page to check for messages constantly.

Come on Soldier Son!!!! I'm ready for a hug!!!!

Photo Credit: http://www.wright.edu/studentorgs/humanics/operationyellowribbon.html

Everything but writing...

2010-04-28T21:16:00.004-04:00

Hi folks. I'm still around, reading your blogs almost daily but not writing in my own. I haven't felt like I've had much to say in a blog since I haven't written much in a WIP. WIP. Hahaha... there has to be a progress to be a Work In Progress so please know that I know I'm using the term loosely.

I have read the recent blogs about keeping the butt in the chair. I whole-heartedly agree. Even if my posterior disagrees. I know that typically authors aren't published on their very first completed novel. And I also know that first drafts do not come out perfectly. But i'm still intimidated and procrastinating.

So, what have I been doing instead?

We've gone on gorgeous, snowy drives in January in western maryland....

I've helped battle record snow falls.

I've laid (or is that lain? I bet that's listed in the pet peeve section in Nathan's blog... that was a great blog day!) around in the world's ugliest jammies watching tv for hours upon hours. (no, no photo of that!!!)

We've gone to visit my son who was home on R&R and who has since returned to the sand. But the good news is, this deployment is getting very close to finished!! My son is the cute one on the right. (thanks to one of his buddies who supplies awesome pictures of the unit!)

And now that spring has sprung.... at least enough to have to put on only 10 layers of clothes instead of 20... I'm back into the waders and fishing some more. Yes, my journal, favorite pens, and current book i'm reading are all tucked away in my backpack on each fishing outing. But do you see me writing in waders? Nope... still stalling.

ACK! what's wrong with me? Why don't I write???!

The good news was that I did ask a nursing friend some details about home health care and know that I have to either sicken my character up or make him a little healthier. He's somewhere in the middle that's not quite believable. So one of these days I'll actually write it down.

In the meantime, I think i'll channel surf and see what's on tv. Because i'm not sure exactly what to write. Besides, I'm already in my jammies and it's really close to bedtime.

By the way, I am open to hints about how to overcome this confidence problem. I do think it's a combination of time-managment and confidence problem. But mostly the self-doubt holding me back. Oh great tennis shoe goddess...if only i could Just Do It!

Happy New Year -- I wish you enough

2010-01-01T00:31:00.004-05:00

I read this years ago, in a forwarded email probably, for the first time. And it has always stuck with me. Now and then, I look it up and re-read it. And tonight I'm feeling sentimental, content, and feeling like i'm experiencing "enough". The following are not my words. And as far as I know, the author is unknown. But...for 2010, I too wish you enough. Peace, DawnAnon.

I Wish You Enough

Recently at an airport, I overheard a father and daughter in their last moments together. They had announced her departure and standing near the security gate, they hugged and he said, “I love you, I wish you enough.”She in turn said, “Daddy, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed, I wish you enough too, Daddy.” They kissed and she left.

He walked over toward the window where I was seated. Standing there, I could see he wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on his privacy, but he welcomed me in by asking, “Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?”

“Yes, I have,” I replied, “forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?” I asked.

“I am old and she lives much too far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is, the next trip back would be for my funeral,” he said.

“When you were saying good-bye I heard you say, ‘I wish you enough’, may I ask what that means?”

He began to smile. “That’s a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone.” He paused for a moment and looking up as if trying to remember it in detail, he smiled ever more. “When we said, ‘I wish you enough,’ we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them,” he continued and then turning toward me he shared the following as if he were reciting it from memory.

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish you enough “Hello’s” to get you through the final “Good-bye.”

Tears filled his eyes and he walked away.
And so,
I wish you enough.
(author unknown)

WINNER!!!!!!

2009-12-01T09:03:00.003-05:00

I did it! I did it! I stayed on my behind, for a month and typed until I had over 50,000 words. I did it! I did it! That was 115 pages of single spaced type. And my story stayed in one main setting. For awhile, I lagged WAY behind and thought if push comes to shove, I'll completely change theme/plot (although, I'm not completely sure I'd call what I have a plot).

I'm still not very disciplined in writing every day. Wow. I struggle with that. On most weekdays, I didn't write much. I procrastinated and wandered off. I used the excuse that I'm too drained from work. During the weekends, I would sit and do almost nothing but write. Then I'd end up behind in my responsibilities at home. If I want to be a writer, I think that would have to change. I'll have to be more disciplined. I did find that if I wrote closer to every day, the characters were fresher in my mind, and were easier to write about.

Wow, I did it! More than FIFTY THOUSAND words. It'll take ALOT of re-writing to become publishable. Some of the characters are way too close to real people at work. But, I did come up with some purely fictional characters. The most fictional and biggest bunch of characters I've ever written came out of this exercise. And that is an excellent feeling! I don't know if anyone understands what I mean, but instead of being a memoir-like "fiction" based on friends and family... too close to the truth for publishing, this story for the most part is much more fictional. And I'm very proud of that.

Nuthin' but Nano

2009-11-23T23:19:00.005-05:00

Okay, I've done things other than Nano. I've gone to work, read, watched tv, and Saturday we walked around the woods all day. My lagging word count during my last blog demonstrated that I clearly do lots of things other than Nano. But tonight, it's feeling like there's nothing but Nano.

Sunday was a great Nano day. I wrote 7,721 words and although I didn't catch up on my word count for the month, I got much closer to where I should be. Tonight I wrote another 2,338 words. Wow. I'm so proud of myself. Too tired to give even the slightest yell, but I'm proud.

This is hard work and I feel like I'm learning alot. I just have such a hard time with plot. I think my characters have voice. But plot. UGH! It's so hard to write when there's no plot. But something I've found helpful is to flip open my Plot & Structure book to a random page and read. And there's something that will spark a thought; a discussion about conflict or tension. Sacrifice, twist endings, and practicing great openings have all been sections that have helped me write a bit more than I had thought I could write. And my writing has been slightly more interesting as I go.

It's been hard to not stop and give up at times. Tonight I was typing away and suddenly yelled out "oh my god, this is like the most poorly acted scene on the most horrible after-school movie!" I didn't know how else to explain it. And i wanted to stop. It all seemed completely lame. But I continued through that tiny section and came out the other end with three new characters that might end up being extremely important to the story.

I may not end up at 50K by the end of the month, but this nano'ing stuff has been helpful. Hard as heck and helpful.

Today's final word count: 32,376

NanoOhNo!

2009-11-21T21:46:00.004-05:00

Well, the good news is that I've gotten farther than I did last year. Woohooo! The not so good news is....this isn't easy and I'm way behind on my word count. I have a really hard time writing during the week. Although, I know it's due to my own laziness, procrastination, and fear. After all, I know that many wrimos write under more stressful circumstances than I.

Tonight, I was looking through some photos for my daughter-in-law...and I found this photo of myself at an overlook on Skyline drive, heading toward North Carolina this late summer. I hadn't been thinking at all about Nano while I was doing this thing for my DIL. But as soon as I saw this photo, I showed it to my partner and said, "Look, there I am, looking for my plot." We laughed. He's been gently encouraging me to sit and write. I keep saying "but I don't know what to write about."

I finished what I was doing for my DIL, and then sat and was able to write 1,000 words for Nano. Now I'm here sharing with you. Wow, plot is hard to do folks. I don't know how published authors have done it.

More good news is that Nano, and just working on quantity, is teaching me about my characters, conflict, and helping me feel more confident. I do feel more confident than last year. And that alone is worth this pain called Nano. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got some writing to do.

word count: 22,040 @ 10:00 pm.

My Public Service Announcement

2009-11-02T22:01:00.006-05:00

As I begin planning Christmas care packages for my son... thinking about the military persons who don't have family members who are able to send much while their loved ones are deployed always weighs heavily on my mind.

I never knew how difficult a military life can be; both on the service person and on the family members who are left at home during deployments. Yes, most military folks never complain. (I say most, because I end up complaining alot. I miss my children when they are so far away.)

A wonderful way to give to our troops is through www.anysoldier.com. You can search to find troops in the country you would like to donate to. You can find photos and letters and descriptions of things they experience. You can choose to give to a group of medics, mechanics, or a religious leader. Through anysoldier, the packages go directly to the troops. Please know that our guys/gals are thrilled to get our support and mail call is often what keeps them going. The Holidays are FAST approaching and I've been told that the time frame to have Holiday packages to troops in parts of Afghanistan is the end of November/very early December.

Thank you.
:)
** photo-- 2/321st (ABN) - Team Apocalypse Mail Call!!!!!!!!

Nanowrimo -- Day 2

2009-11-02T21:44:00.003-05:00

I'm a wrimo. Day two. And so far, it's going better than expected. I'm at 6,032 words. I don't have a title and I have no idea what exactly plot is. I don't even quite know what genre I'm in. But I've got 6,032 words! And I feel slightly more optimistic than I did last year. The topic is certainly something that I'm very familiar with so I can ramble on and on. I just don't know if I can get something publishable out of it. But that's not necessarily the point at this time is it (the editing part)? It's just the daily writing and the word count. The thing I need the most help with; getting my butt in the chair (or my tummy on the floor with a pad of paper and my fancy pen) and write, write, write.

Good luck fellow wrimos!!

NaNoWriMo

2009-10-20T23:06:00.007-04:00

Well, I'm trying it again this year. Last year I didn't do so good. This year might go a little better. I'm feeling pessimistic (mainly because I'm my own worst enemy). But, I'm giving it a try because one of my main problems is sitting every day and writing. NaNoWriMo will help with that. Right?

Then while exploring the NaNo pages, I found an interview of Cylithria Dubois, Marine Corps novelist. WOW! That interview knocked my socks off and made me teary-eyed. She participated, and won, while deployed in Iraq. Geesh, I have no excuse except that I just don't do it. Period. Case closed. (I can hear my son's voice in my head say "Roger that". I've been hearing his voice say that alot lately. Stinker! Okay, Okay. Nothing to it but to do it. I hear you)

Thank you Cylithria for the boost. Thank you for sharing your story.

The good news is that prior to reading the interview, I had already managed to write about 1,900 words tonight. Not on any of my WIPs specifically. But I did write. For a decent period of time. It was a good night.

Exercise

2009-10-17T22:52:00.007-04:00

I have been planning on blogging for the past four days. But I felt too random. I have such an adrenaline rush from the exercise I got during Nathan Bransford’s first paragraph contest. I’ve been immersed in thinking, writing, and reading about first paragraphs… what writers do and what readers want. And in the meantime, I’ve read a few assorted blogs about jealousy when others are published and successful. And saw some negative comments about the subjectivity of writing contests. I still can’t manage a thoughtful, linear blog…so how about some blurps?

• Oh my gosh, I had so much fun looking at my work and thinking about my openings. Holy cow, they weren’t openings. So I ended up getting some good exercise writing an opening.

• Now I find myself standing in line at the grocery, driving in the car, and other assorted places, looking at people and imagining opening paragraphs for them. (For the loud lady on her cell phone behind me at the post office – nearly yelling in my ear – inching forward on my heels every time I inched forward to get her out of my ear, I imagined a murder mystery opening.)

• Wow, I pushed my limit and put something out there for others to read. And it turned out to be A LOT of others. And a lot of strongly opinionated others. And I enjoyed it. (yes, too many “ands”. I know.)

• I don’t understand how people could feel like they need to express that a writing contest is subjective. Um, no kidding. And then I don’t know why people get upset if they don’t get chosen, after all, it’s subjective. Maybe my philosophy is just different all the way around. I thought every grade I got through college, except math, was subjective. What a wonderful exercise in subjectivity.

• I learned that some people like “grab me by the throat” openings and some people don’t. Since I was forced to think more closely about openings, I realized that I tend to like a certain type of opening also. I like to know who I’m with and where. I like to hear the voice. But most importantly, the movie reels in my head have to start spinning. I don’t mean I need all of that descriptive, poetic, lengthy stuff. Nah. I mean, the poetic writing can be there, but it doesn’t have to be poetic or lengthy. I need just enough of the “good stuff” for the mental visual. The opening can be a little slow as long as I can “see” it. I’m still wet-behind-the-ears enough that I have trouble defining the “good stuff”. But when I’m reading a book and the author is telling me instead of showing me, I could point that out. That’s not the “good stuff.”

• I’m not put off by curses, as long as it fits the character. What I DO NOT want to read is a drug addict going into an intervention saying “well ding-dang-diddley, this makes me peeved”. (unless it's an old, Bible-thumpin', non-cursing drug addict that is going into an intervention. Then it would fit).

• I’m not put off by “grab me by the throat” openings, as long as I can “see” it.

• A few recent blogs discuss jealousy when others are published or more successful. I’ve always been an oddball, so maybe that’s my problem. But when I saw a familiar name in the finalists list, I was way excited. I didn’t feel jealous. Or less-than. When I feel less-than, I can feel like that without anyone around me being successful. I don’t need their help. I feel like that most every time I pick up a pen or start typing. But not when someone I know (or know of) becomes successful. Of course, this was “just” a paragraph. I’m sure I’ll feel a little differently when I’ve completed an entire novel and the “prize” is money among other things. But right now, I was excited when I saw a familiar name chosen (Yeah, Travis!) Someone please remind me to think about this topic again after I become published and see if it feels differently then.

• I followed Nathan’s contest while at work. So I kept getting interrupted and losing my place. I think I read around 200-300 entries. Of those I read, my favorite was chosen for the long list. That was exciting for me. A little validating that someone else has similar taste. That I could pick a winner. Too bad I can’t do that with lottery tickets.

So… I’m getting lots of writing exercise. This contest was quite a workout. And I’m feeling all pumped up. Trouble is, I’m still not writing on any of my WIPs on a daily basis. Geesch, what’s my problem?

Pssst... Thank you Patrice for your kind words!

Good News

2009-10-13T20:50:00.003-04:00

Ah... good news, good news. I followed a blog to a new blog(new to me) that is hosting a contest. Nathan Bransford is hosting a first paragraph contest. HURRY! It ends Thursday! Follow the link in my "Sites I Visit" list. So, I was initially extremely excited to enter the contest and begin looking at my work. And the excitement dissipated quickly. I discovered that my opening paragraphs of my two WIPS (if we can call them that at this point) aren't really paragraphs. They are dialogues and choppy bits. Oh my gosh, here's an opportunity, but lo and behold the openings turn out to not be openings after all. There's nothing that grabs attentions, builds excitement, or really moves the reader along. YIKES! So, I searched through my rambling and found a section that turned out to be better suited to be the opening after all! I tried to shape it up a little bit and I posted it to the contest.

I was nervouse to put something out there, in front of others to read. But I did it!!

Wow, there are alot of very good opening paragraphs there. I really don't stand a chance. But I'm thrilled that I gave it a try. I'm so much farther along than I was last year. Thank you to all of the author-bloggers who have been teaching me so much this past year or so. *muah*

Golly-gee, at this rate, I might have an entire first draft by the time I'm 60-something.

Other assorted good news: Oldest son is still working safely in Afghanistan. Communication has been limited but he's safe and that's what counts. Youngest son got his wisdom teeth out today and is as sassy as always. Has spent his "sick day" texting me. The extra communication has been Heavenly.

Pride

2009-10-07T21:23:00.004-04:00

I had been working on a blog topic about being an army mom during a deployment, and sure enough, I left the word file at work. But I have been busy writing tonight, making some progress, and feeling extra happy about being on my behind (writing). Also, I’m feeling extra proud of my child and I decided to post a photo anyway.

I can’t believe that not long ago I was blogging about my impatient waiting for my youngest son to return from Iraq. What a happy welcome home vacation that turned into! Now my oldest has gone off to Afghanistan and I’m in the beginning of “my” third deployment.

To the guys and gals of the 82nd Airborne…. 4-73 Cav: I’ve re-written this paragraph five times now. I can’t find the appropriate words to express my thankfulness and my pride. I’ll leave it with:

You

Amaze

Me.

To my son… you know I’m proud of you. Stay safe. Stay happy. Come home soon.

PS. While uploading the photo for this and making final adjustments, someone pounded on our door. It was 9:30 pm. I peeked out the peeky hole and there were two men in dress shirts, ties, and khaki raincoats on the landing. I opened the door expecting the worst. Turned out to be only detectives in the neighborhood telling us something very mundane about our truck. I shut the door and barely kept myself from fainting. There should be a law that no strangers are allowed to knock on the door of military parents during deployment. It's too hard on our old hearts!

**photo: US Military

Criticism

2009-09-27T17:41:00.009-04:00

I just finished reading a book that kept me interested (not an easy thing to do since my mind is completely overwhelmed with work issues and deployment issues.) The book was Too Close to Home by Linwood Barclay. I LOVED how I was trying to guess whodunit and what was going to happen next , something I can usually guess but couldn’t quite figure out this time. There was enough foreshadowing to know that people were involved in a certain way, but not enough to guess the details. And I liked the amount of characters in the book. HOLY CRAP! I can’t even decide how to let one or two characters move about in an interesting and coherent way... and without a bunch of derailing side trips. Barclay has many characters moving around the story.

I haven’t blogged in forever, and I’m not a book critic, so why am I blogging about a book? Because I have so many thoughts about writing and what various people have said about books. Pat Wood has talked about feedback she got about her characters, language, and behaviors. And I thought Lottery characters were some of the most real characters I’ve ever read. (I’m not a stalker Pat, really! You just tend to talk about things that are on my mind. But if you’d like to send me an autographed photo AND your bank account number that would be fabulous ;) ). In undergrad, we talked forever about some of the “classics” but when it was time to talk about The Bluest Eye, the students and professor were all very quick to end the discussion about the book because there was a “creepy” and “uncomfortable” section of the book that “wouldn’t happen in real life so why’d she put it in the book?”. And now on Amazon, I see that some of the negative reviews for a book I liked, Too Close to Home, include comments that it’s not realistic. After all, highbrow artsy folks wouldn’t curse. OMG! Really?! Artistic folks don’t use profanity, especially in front of the children? And that makes the book unbelievable? Apparently not all highbrows run in the same circles.

As a person who is trying to learn to write, I appreciated the good parts of Barclay’s book. I was always anxious to get a chance to pick it up and get back to the story. As a person who is trying to learn to write, I read the reviews and ended up a little more intimidated. Yikes! If they don’t believe Barclay’s characters, I don’t think they’ll believe mine. I’ve actually met people who are greedy over inheritances, who are artsy and well educated and who use the F*** word, and people who have had incestuous relationships with their children. Not only is it believable … it’s real life. If I don’t write about that, what will I write about? If I believe it because I’ve seen it, but my readers don’t/haven’t… then what? No matter how much I believe it, ultimately I need the readers to believe it. Published writers ……I don't know how do you do it!!!

Writing is like moss

2009-03-16T20:51:00.005-04:00

There is something about hiking along the river that made me think about my writing. I think about my writing a lot, if I wrote as much as I think about it, I’d have 10 novels by now. But hiking the river, in the drizzle this weekend, made me more thoughtful than usual.

Maybe it’s because we hiked past a rock formation that had previously been the star of one of my rambling journals. A year ago, the main character had been a middle-aged woman who hiked to the top of a steep hill to explore the boulders, only to find that it was haunted. Yesterday, we hiked up the hill to see the crevice again. Strange. It was not as big nor as formidable as it had been in my story.

Maybe it’s because my writing is like the water, flowing and moving, constantly there. I can see all kinds of neat stuff around me... bits and pieces. But I can’t ever see the beginning and can’t ever find the end.

Maybe it’s because I feel like my writing is much like the forest floor, fertile and supporting lots of new growth. But like the moss, it doesn’t yet seem like a big deal. Something that people would step on or step over without batting an eye. Something that no one else would care about. Or even worse, something that other people would perceive as ickky!

Progress: Still writing but having great difficulty thinking about plot. Still looking for the “so what?” However, my characters are getting easier to imagine. The other day I was standing in line at the donut store and as I watched people interact, it seemed like it would be something my character would say or do. I wrote 7 pages about it. I have lots of little scenes, but I can’t seem to get things to join together yet.

I'm just sayin'

2009-03-12T23:15:00.003-04:00

Once upon a time, I went to work with an eye so black it was bright purple. A complete ring of bruise. I told all who asked my plausible story about how I was injured at my second job.

We all went to the break room at lunch and sat around the plywood table, the chattier women talking non-stop as usual. As I sat there, quiet as usual, not one of the women addressed me. Instead, they talked about me and around me. They made their declarations for the entire break….
“If my man ever hit me, I’d kick his ass."
“There’s no way a man would EVER hit me more than once”
“If a woman doesn’t leave, maybe she’s asking for it”

No one spoke to me directly. No one asked my opinion about any of it. They spoke loudly for all the room to hear, including the other tables filled with men and women.

The shame and judgement I felt at that moment was far greater than any split lip, black eye, or broken bone I had been at risk of receiving. Any thought I had of asking for help, was extinguished in those 20 minutes.

Years later, I had become independent, educated, and professional. A helping professional in the “helping profession.” I observed a battered woman being helped. It was unsafe for her to return home, according to staff. She was exhausted and wanted her home, her clothes, her things. She desperately wanted a shower, she said repeatedly. She would have left on her own, but she didn’t have transportation and it was too far to walk. Staff happily helped her find a shower in the old area of the building. They provided soap, shampoo, a towel, and some borrowed clothes. She showered in the stall, a leftover locker room of sorts in a partially remodeled public restroom. People took turns guarding the door so she could have her privacy. I felt sadness for the woman, showering with horrible water pressure, in a shower that hadn’t been used for years, surrounded by old cold tile and strangers. All she wanted was her home, her things, her comfort. But she knew that if she returned to the home with her child, she’d be reported for putting her child at risk. I can imagine that she felt forced to strip and shower in this unwelcoming place.

I’m reminded of these images and thoughts as the Chris and Rihanna story splashes across the news nonstop. Personally, I no longer believe in secrets or lies. Domestic violence needs to be discussed. Yet I’m wondering if Rihanna is feeling hurt by strangers…pained and humiliated far beyond cuts, bruises, and blood. I wonder if it’s excruciating to hear other people talk about and around her… and at times, talking at, yes at, her with their advice. All of the superstars and the news reporters being the equivalent of folks at the break table giving their two cents or the helpers who are forcing her into a choice she maybe doesn’t want to make.

Many years after that day at the break table, I realized that the women were trying to be helpful. They were expressing their concern. And their thoughts that domestic violence is wrong. It is wrong. But the way they expressed it was more hurtful than anything I’ve ever experienced. And I sure hope Rihanna isn’t feeling that way now.

I wasn't going to add to any of the commentary but finally tonight, I'd heard so much that I wanted to scream. I wonder if she feels the same.

My wish is that Rihanna has someone who listens openly, honestly, and without agenda to what she needs and wants. That she’s not perceiving all the discussions, the debate, and spotlight as judgement. My hope is that she’s not being re-victimized.

Frozen water and writing

2009-02-01T19:26:00.004-05:00

It’s Superbowl Sunday and we spent the day at the resevoir. It was a gorgeous winter day today in Maryland and we spent the daylight hours outside. As we drove home, I told him, “I think this is a metaphor, or a parable, or whatever, for my writing.” For the rest of the drive, I quietly thought about it further. Yes, I think there’s a lesson about writing somewhere within the events of today.

Many years ago, I learned about fishing with my father. Fishing in a boat on a MidWestern lake, Salmon fishing in a Michigan river, and ice fishing in Indiana in the wintertime. Fishing for fun. I certainly wasn’t an expert. I just loved being outside and near water. Many times, then and now, I read or write while I’m “fishing”. In other words, I’ve got a worm in the water and I’m not watching closely enough to know when the little buggers have stripped the hook clean. Other times, I’m obsessed with fishing. I don’t want to stop until I’ve caught one… and just one more… and just one more. And before I know it, it’s too dark to see the trail to hike out easily. But I’m thrilled because I’ve caught fish.

Today, in Maryland, we went to the water and I took my fishing apparatus because I didn’t expect the resevoir to be frozen. It’s too large and there are too many channels that keep the water moving. Or so I thought. I was wrong. We hiked quite a way to the first spot. In the distance, there was a large area where the channels meet and the water wasn’t frozen. Near the shore, the water was frozen, but the ice wasn’t thick. I didn’t trust it to hold me weight and couldn’t cast far enough to reach the unfrozen section. We hiked to another spot. Beautiful views. Frozen solid. But to get from shore to ice, one would have to jump from the boulder onto the ice. There were deer tracks across the ice, so it was solid enough to hold their weight. But, unfortunately, I weigh more than a deer. And I have enough cognitive ability to recall that the water at those boulders is very deep. I didn’t want to risk falling in. So, we agreed to hike to one other spot. A spot where I know the shoreline consists of boulders but the channel is nearby. Maybe I could cast from the boulders into the unfrozen water nearby. Right. Wrong. Frozen solid.

But I had such a strong desire to fish. I had worms and bobbers, hooks and lines. But I didn’t have all of the things my dad and his fishing buddies used for ice fishing. I didn’t have the auger to drill the ice. I didn’t have long handled scoop thingie to dip the ice chunks out. I didn’t have the miniature pools or the little wax worms. But dang it, I wanted to fish.

I didn’t concern myself with whether or not I had the correct tools. (I am very careful to make sure the ice is plenty thick wherever I go, in case any of you were worried). I started to chip the ice with a knife. I made progress, but not enough. I kept at it and kept at it. I began to use sharp rocks. I pounded and pounded. The hole was filling with water that was seeping up from underneath, but I still wasn’t through. So I used a bigger rock to pound a smaller, wedge-shaped rock. And then voila, I was through the ice and fishing. Woohooo!

I realized, while I sat and watched my poles, that I hadn’t concerned myself with whether or not I was doing it “right”. I was just doing it. And I wasn’t worried about whether or not someone was watching me. There were footprints on the trail and I already know that there is a tree-stand just at the crest of the hill where I was. Someone could easily have been watching. But I just didn’t care. My man was watching, and laughing at my persistence, but I didn’t stop.

I had dove in, chipping away, bit by bit, and not worrying about whether or not it was perfect or whether or not anyone else cared. I knew the general direction I wanted to head, toward liquid water, I did it for me. And for me alone. And I didn’t stop until my goal was reached. It was glorious!

My muscles are sore and I’m exhausted. But I’m satisfied and it was a wonderful day.

Now, if I could just get myself to write that way!

How is it 2009 already?!

2009-01-12T19:13:00.006-05:00

Well, it's January already and things at work are hopping. I've been lurking, wandering the 'net, and reading more than writing. It seems like all I do is drive to work, work, and drive home. At least it is light out now during the commute and I can amuse myself with trying to identify the black and white ducks on the resevoir while trying to stay on the road!

We were very lucky to have my oldest son here during his 2+ week leave. We talked, stayed up too late watching movies, relaxed, ate, and just sat around looking at each other. It was fabulous. Then all too soon, he had to head back to base. I'm thankful and content that I had so much time with him but it's bittersweet to let him leave again. My youngest son is adjusting to being back in the states and setting up house with his wife. My best Christmas gift was having both of my boys on American soil.

That is a summary of my holidays. Christmas in a nutshell. I hadn't really planned on blogging tonight. Really, I'm here for another reason...

...I'm popping in long enough to encourage you to stop by Travis' site and consider sending something to his family. You can check out either his blog or a site that has been set up for him. (woohooo! I finally figured out how to add links in my blog. It was so simple that it was hard)

Anyway, I think this is important. After all, a house fire to start the new year? Sucks. Completely sucks. Especially with kids.

A similar thing happened to a very good friend of mine many years ago. It's something I'll never forget.

Travis and family, you are in my thoughts.

Adios November, hello December

2008-12-02T18:19:00.003-05:00

Well... NaNo is NoMo'. I didn't come anywhere close to the 50K mark, but it was a really good experience for me. My word count, after last blog, went up to 19,078. Woohoo! NaNo was definately a good exercise in doin-time-on-my-behind.

It was helpful to let go of "how do I do this the right way" and to embrace "just do it".

It was helpful to feel successful at getting a whole bunch of words, that do have some plot and good character development, out of me and into a black & white version.

I learned that if i got stuck, looking at random photos or reading random things can spark a thought.

I learned that if i got stuck, going back to pen and journal and sprawling out on the livingroom floor on my belly, helped to feel less "formal" (read: intimidated) and helped the juices get flowing.

Now I have to use these things that I've learned so that I can keep writing and get some of these characters out of my head and onto paper.

I also have to be a little bit careful to cut down on some of my procrastinative pursuits. Those things have included, but are not limited to; reading, watching tv, daydreaming about a marshy riverfront chunk of land that's for sale, looking at many different "teeny house plans", daydreaming about country living, and beginning some of the holiday decorating around the apartment. We were exctied to have found teeny bluebirds to go on our teeny charlie brown tree.

Bluebirds.... of happiness.... i wonder if they'd live in marshy areas if we built a bluebird house...if we were able to buy that land... can bathouses (ew bats!!! but bats are better than mosquitos) be placed anywhere near bluebird houses??? Maybe i ought to do an internet search......

NaNo-OhNo!

2008-11-25T19:54:00.002-05:00

EEeekkk! I'm at the same word count as my last post. No progress. None. Nada. Zilch. Zippo.

My brain is as dried up as an old creekbed during a dry November.

I don't feel hopeless. And I want to continue working on this WIP even after November/Nano ends. But for Petesake.... UGH! I could scream. My character is very clear in my brain but I can't think of anything else to write about. I sit and stare. I almost write something then think.... "boring"... "so what".... I think of possible plot ideas but then think "i don't know how to get there from here."

OOOooooOOOHHHH!!! Do you hear me screaming?

The more I try this the more respect I have for writers who have finished something... even if it is that "book" that sits on the shelf. You all amaze me.

Gonna go procrastinate with the tv for an hour then try again. Please send your positive writing thoughts, or writing fairy dust, or something my way. I am in desperate need of it.

PS.

2008-11-23T22:48:00.002-05:00

Oops. I forgot that I wanted to include this photo at the end of my previous post.

Brrrrrrr! Snow!

Quick Update

2008-11-23T21:39:00.002-05:00

My son arrived at 4:40 am Monday morning. His processing took hours after that. I was sleep deprived as were all of the other families there to pick up their loved ones. But sometime before noon on Monday morning, he was mine. With the exception of his needing to attend some meetings, we had free time. We visited until Thursday, when I drove him from Ft. Campbell to Northern Indiana so he could pick up his car.

From Northern Indiana, I drove home. Through off and on, lake effect, snow squalls. Ah, an excellent reminder of one reason I chose to move away from Northern Indiana. And just when I was trying to focus only on the slippery roads and poor visibility, I impulsively tried to take a photo while driving.

Why would I do such a thing, you ask?

I couldn’t help myself! Their vehicle said “YO” on the tire cover! It made me think of The Lottery by Patricia Wood. Oh, how I want to write a book that causes people some random emotional reaction long after they’ve read the book.

The picture probably didn’t turn out well enough so that you can see it but I'm going to post it anyway. You’ll have to trust me, it really did say “YO” on the tire cover.

So… I’m home since Friday night (I stayed the night with relatives on Thursday Night, to avoid the snowfall that happened that afternoon – just to hit more snow on the drive). I’m discombobulated and dreading trying to get back into the swing of things at work tomorrow. I’m very excited that my youngest is stateside and that I was able to spend so much time with him. And I’m pleased that I spent some of my waiting time effectively.

NaNo word count: 17,437. Way behind for the goal of 50k in November. But I’m very proud. This is the most I’ve ever been able to sit myself in a chair and focus on one MC. It’s not been easy. But I’m pleased with my work.

What does a mom do when she waits?

2008-11-16T20:49:00.016-05:00

This mom… drives through scattered, but heavy, rain showers in the mountains – from Maryland to the Kentucky/Tennessee state line. And ends up arriving a day early because she’s not completely sure what flight he’ll be arriving on.

This mom attends a Welcome Home ceremony at 1 a.m. just because. And cries her eyes out watching men greet infant children they haven’t met, children jumping up and down when a parent arrives, and grandparents smiling with a calm, “seen it all”, joyful look on their face.

On day two… this mom decides to spend the day sight-seeing and/or hiking. I start at Dunbar Cave in Tennessee. Loved the view. The cave was closed due to bat hibernation season. There was a sign just inside the locked gate of the cave, threatening that “violators will be prosecuted…” Do they really have to threaten people to stay out of a cave full of hibernating bats? The only question I wanted to ask a staff person was…. If the bats are hibernating, why were the trees at the welcome center FULL of bats last night? It was like the movie “The Birds” redone with bats. I was so proud of myself that I was able to walk from my car to the welcome center. Bravery? Nah. That’s how badly I needed the girls room! Wouldn’t my sons be proud?

I had planned on walking the trails at Dunbar, but there were just toooo many people. I am anti-social after all. So, I hopped in the car and headed toward Pennyrile Forest north of Hopkinsville, KY. The tourist center lady tried to get me to go to another park, the one with the huge lake and better trails. But I wanted off the beaten path. Stubbornly, I drove NorthWest.

I stopped by the Trail of Tears park on the way. Very nice little park. I enjoyed reading the plaques, looking at the statues, and sitting near the cemetery.

I may have to do a blog with photos of textures.

But I'll save that for another day.

Then I continued up the road to Pennyrile Forest. Off the beaten path was an understatement. The paved road narrowed to what I call a “two track” path. It was graveled, thank goodness, but it was still a two-track in my opinion. I got out and hiked…after remembering that it’s probably deer season here too… so I donned my hunter’s orange vest… and I walked. Because it’s so late autumn, the colors were drab. But the textures were amazing. I may have to do a blog with photos of textures.

So, at the end of the day… I headed back to the hotel. Keeping an eye on the sky and the gorgeous Kentucky sunset. The end of the day? Either an early end of the day… or not the end of a really loooooooong day. It all depends if I can manage to force myself to sleep between now and the 4:40 a.m. Welcome Home Ceremony for my youngest son.

Hoooah!

Waiting, again.

2008-11-13T22:54:00.003-05:00

I think I’m getting better at waiting. Maybe.

While I’m waiting this time, I’m doing slightly less pacing and nail-biting (literally) and I’m managing to write and read some. That’s progress!

For the next few days I’ll try to write more than I pace. Read more than I bite. And I will happily spend hours driving to the Welcome Home ceremony to greet the soldiers and my youngest son. Along the way, maybe I’ll sightsee and have opportunities to eavesdrop on random conversations for my journaling.

The picture is poor quality. But I love it, and the twenty-odd years worth of similar pictures. My youngest son always sleeps when he travels. So I’m imagining him on the plane…in that position… with his eyes closed. Just like he was the last time we traveled a distance together and I snapped a photo of him, grown, and asleep while he traveled.

I'm waiting. For a hug. I can't wait!!!

Veterans Day

2008-11-11T07:24:00.003-05:00

to all of our Vets...
...young and old
...current wars and past
...male and female

to all of you who have been...
....underappreciated
....underpaid
....overworked

to all of you who are....
...braver than i am
....more willing to follow directions than i am
....able to pick up and move across the country or across the world
....willing to hurry and wait
.... serving your country like no other

to all of our Veterans

Thank You!

Nano word count

2008-11-10T22:21:00.003-05:00

Progress: 12,291 and it's just after 10:00 pm.

Good news, Darla (my MC) was very talkative earlier in the evening.

Bad news, she seems to have talked herself out.

Good news, I've found out that if I don't feel like writing, and I lay on my belly with a pen and a notebook...on a fluffed up pillow, I can start writing a few paragraphs. THEN I move to the laptop (and a seated position) and I can take off.

Bad news, I just tried it and I can't seem to get going again tonight!

Good news, I went to Havre de Grace, MD yesterday just to look around and relax. It was a gorgeous day with beautiful views.

Bad news, I didn't think to take my camera. I only have a cellphone photo to share.

Listening, looking, and writing.

2008-11-09T00:12:00.002-05:00

Yesterday, Darla was very talkative. Today she was quiet. I went to the laptop and tried to type but couldn’t think of anything. Then I laid down on my belly, in the middle of the floor, with my journal and pen. Yeeha, that helped. I squeaked out a paragraph or two. But then immediately got stuck again.

There was something I wanted to write, but I just couldn’t quite think of it. Like when some word is on the tip of your tongue but you just can’t quite get your mind around it. You can’t even get enough of the word to tell your friends it’s synonyms. It was like that. I knew something was there but I wasn’t quite sure what.

So I wandered around the NaNo forum topics and loitered in the area about prompts. I skimmed. Feeling restless and wishing I could figure out what it was I wanted to write. I definitely wanted to write. I hadn’t written yet today.

In one of the forums, a few people said they visit Deviant Art or Flickr when they were stuck. What? Why? I didn’t know. I didn’t know what Deviant Art was. Well, that’s not true. I understand about deviant. And I know about art. But the two together, as in an internet site. I had no clue. But I thought Flickr was one of those on-line photo albums that folks use to upload (or is it download?) their photos.

Because I am a Nosey Nellie, I went to Deviant Art. Ah… photos and things. Just for fun I did a photo search and searched for a girl. Maybe I’d see Darla there. And sure enough, there was a photo of a little girl, looking out of the window. She was younger than Darla. But the emotions on her face.. the emotions that were on the tip of my tongue. Woohooo… I was able to write a few more paragraphs.

Suddenly, magically delicious, I’m to 10,213 words.

The only bad news is… I’m finding that I write more LATE at night. To the sounds of the Mister’s snoring! This is the time of day that I’m usually under the blanket, propped up on my fluffed up pillow, reading a good book next to the human buzz saw. Now, if I want to be a writer, this is when I’ll be “working”? Oh no. I don’t function well when I’m sleep deprived. How am I going to manage during the work week?

Photo Information: The Girl by *suerdas
http://suerdas.deviantart.com/art/the-girl-44353141

I'm Writing!!!! GO NaNo!!!!!

2008-11-07T18:41:00.003-05:00

On November 3rd, I found some long lost written blurbs about a little (fictional) girl named Darla. Oh… I was so happy to find those blurbs. Darla had stuck with me all this time and although I had no idea what her story was, there was one short scene that made her seem like a real character. A character I wanted to know more about and someone that maybe others would like to know too.

I had started my NaNo with a short start of a story about a woman. But I abandoned that since I found Darla on the 3rd. Just today I realized that the original woman could be Darla all grown up. Weird.

Anyway, I’m proud of my progress with NaNo. I’m at 8,436 words tonight and feel like writing some more. I know I’m behind in word count. I should be farther along to reach 50,000 word count by the end of the month, but the important thing is that I’m not worrying about the “should”. I’m writing. And I’m writing a decent amount each day. And Darla is a laughing, dancing, crying little girl in my minds’ eye.

My advice to me:
Keep writing those little blurbs. Keep filling journals and random notebooks with blurbs. Most of them are nothing. But one of them will stay on my mind.
Write… daily.
If I get stuck, like I did today, make the character write to me to describe themselves.
Write. Daily.

Congratulations

2008-11-06T09:58:00.003-05:00

I held my breath during this new adventure the same as I did when he learned to ride a bike. Tears welled up in my eyes when he grinned and yelled, “Watch this, mom!”

I’m still watching.

So…
Congratulations, Ry, on reaching your most recent goal. I couldn’t be more proud.

Elections

2008-11-04T21:36:00.004-05:00

During this election year, the more I studied, the angrier I became. Politicians and their verbal sleight-of-hand, at the least, and downright lies at the most. I felt obligated to research each topic of importance to me so that I’d have an educated opinion. I read transcripts, watched debates, reviewed past votes, and looked up more H.R. bills than I can count. Good grief, I could have used my time more enjoyably with my bobber in the water and a good book in my hands. But instead, I stewed about the elections.

Each candidate proposed something I fully supported. Each said something that rubbed every fiber of my being the wrong way. Oh… how to decide?

At several points, my decision was not to decide. Relief. Just don’t vote. It was too much.

Then about two weeks ago, I realized that I needed to vote. I thought about the time my sons have been in Iraq. Regardless of the reasons they went, I would never forget some of the pictures I saw from their time there. Their reports to me about what was going on mixed with the visual images from the news. I clearly remembered the joy on Iraqi’s faces while they waved their flag and raised their fingers, showing that they had voted.

I remembered these stories of Iraqi women, of various backgrounds, having had their entire world turned upside down. They were told that if they cooperate, or vote, their families would be harmed. Voting places were threatened and there were bombings. Even so, the news clips showed the women walking home, holding their inked fingers in the air with pride.

How could I not vote? How could I complain that the lines may be long or that I might be late for work? How in the world could I say that it’s too difficult or too stressful to vote?!

So…today, in honor of the women in Iraq who are far braver than I…I inked my finger.

Photo credit 1: "An elderly Iraqi woman shows an ink colored finger..."
(Karim Kadim , AP, 2005/10/15)
Photo credit 2: "An Iraqi woman holds up her hand, and shows a purple finger..."
(Andrew Parsons, AP, 2005/01/30)
"An Iraqi woman holds up her hand, and shows a purple finger, indicating she has just voted, as she leaves a polling station in the centre of Az Zubayr, southern Iraq, Sunday, Jan. 30, 2005. Iraqis turned out to vote Sunday in their country's first free election in a half-century, defying insurgents who launched deadly suicide bombings and mortar strikes at polling stations."

Have you ever?

2008-11-03T19:26:00.002-05:00

Have you ever?

Have you ever been to a place where the woods meets the water, watching fallen leaves float past while you felt a little bit sad that summer is over. And yet so excited to see the amazing colors of the trees.

Have you ever marked the end of a year by the end of summer rather than the end of the calendar year?

Have you ever wondered how in the world another year has completely flown by and how in the world you didn’t do ½ of the things you had planned on doing this year?

Have you ever been almost haunted by a scene or a short thing you’ve written long, long ago? Not sure where you put the stupid thing. Not willing to try to rewrite it because you don’t think you’ll get the same feeling. Then suddenly, when you are looking for something else, you find it!

Have you ever tried to do a cartwheel in your livingroom and realized you aren’t as young as you used to be?

Have you ever signed up for Nanowrimo in hopes that you’ll learn how to sit down and write EVERY SINGLE DAY, no matter what? Have your ever procrastinated on Nanowrimo day 2, and not written a thing?

Have you ever thought that it’s been so long ago since you made your submission that you must’ve only imagined that you made a submission?

Have you ever thought that what you are doing is the most blatant form of procrastination and time waste there EVER was, but you just can’t manage to stop yourself. Have you ever thought "I should be writing?"

I have.

Wonderful Things

2008-09-30T20:20:00.002-04:00

Usually by Friday, I’m exhausted. I’m always exhausted, but by Friday afternoons I’m extra exhausted. All I want is to sit on my sofa and do something mindless. This past Friday afternoon, my supervisor stopped by my office and we chit-chatted about weekend plans. She mentioned that it was Baltimore’s Book Festival weekend and I let out a string of obscenities.

Crap! I wanted to go to hear Iyanla Vanzant speak. I loved her on the show “Starting Over”. I’ve read one of her books (she has multiple published). And I have one of her motivational/meditation things on my Ipod. There’s something about her spirit and her kindness that I like.

My supervisor advised me to go. I looked at the pile of paperwork on my desk. And I thought about how exhausted I was. And how late it was already. And I whined. But I ended up leaving work early and we rushed to the Book Festival. We listened to a wonderful Reggae band for 20 minutes before heading to the art gallery auditorium.

And I heard her speak. Ah, bliss.

The four main points: control, fear, unforgiveness, and … well… frankly, I can’t remember the fourth thing because the first three things are my biggest problems… my worst bad habits. Oh gosh… she gave me so much to think about just with her motivational talk. In the back of my mind I kept thinking about her life as a writer. OH NO! I’m a horrible public speaker. If I become published, how much public speaking will I have to do? Can I send in the equivalent of a pinch-hitter for all of my speaking engagements when I’m published? Oh my gosh….oops…there’s that fear problem again!

So…. I overcame laziness, put away the fear, and rushed off to hear a writer speak. And it was wonderful!

Other recent wonderful things:
· Three weeks of a heavenly visit with my oldest son while he was on leave.
· I’ve started reading a series of books that my son recommended. He(previously a total non-reader) read 3 ½ out of the 4 Stephenie Meyer series while he was here and loved them so much that he demanded that I read them. He texts me nightly now and asks me what page I’m on. How fun is that? Once in awhile he’ll tell me “go read”. Role Reversal! (Thank you Stephenie for writing books that he enjoyed so thoroughly!)
· My youngest son has been told they’ll return from Iraq significantly early. Happy Thanksgiving to me!!! (cross your fingers for me that this solid rumor really happens!)
· I’m writing a little more regularly. Nothing much on the “novel” but different scenes and different things. I think I’m experimenting with things I’ve been learning lately. I feel like my writing is improving.
· I’m so tired tonight that I can’t really focus, but I’ve still blogged, read, and wrote. Whew! Wonderful!

Waiting

2008-08-26T12:04:00.003-04:00

I think I’m a waiter. Not a food server, for petesake, I don’t have the talent, social skills, or the short term memory for all that. No, I’m a waiter; one who waits. I think I probably wait too much.

I’m still waiting for a response on the short essay I submitted. Everyday I’m waiting for some miracle to occur and all of the stories in my brain to come flowing effortlessly and logically from my body and land on paper. I wait for Man to stop leaving his socks and boots in the middle of the living room floor. I’m still waiting to win the lottery so that I can buy a house on the water… somewhere… anywhere. Shoot, a drainage ditch with a nice gurgling sound might suffice really. It wouldn’t have to be a large jackpot. Just enough for a decent down payment. But today, the BEST thing I’m waiting for is the arrival of my oldest son!

He’s on the road somewhere between here and Ft. Benning. The airborne/jump training plans changed and his leave is starting now. Which means, he could be here visiting for up to 3 weeks. I’m so excited that I can’t hardly stand myself!

I wasn’t sure what airborne school was.

He explained it as, “you know mom, the guys that parachute”.
Mom says, “from planes?”
“From anything they decide to push you from.” And he grins. (Oh, but what a gorgeous grin.)

Ugh.

Then he told me to watch “We Were Soldiers.”

Double Ugh.

The good news is that we’ll be spending the next few days enjoying each other. His two requests; time to work out for his PT training and time to just chill. We can do that. (Thank goodness my writing procrastination has included regular attempts to jog! Although, I’m quite sure I still won’t be able to keep up with him.)

The youngest son is currently in Iraq. And they’ve already heard rumors that after they come back, they will be deployed to Afghanistan. So, I’m waiting to find out if I’ll have both sons in Afghanistan at that same time. But in the meantime, I’m going to savor every second of time I have with my oldest during his visit.

Waiting.

* * * * * * * * *
Writing Progress: Over the past week or so, I’ve tried to stop worrying so much about the “right” way to write. Between books, blogs, and Patricia’s blog about the writer’s conference, I have begun to think more about who my character is and what she’s about. I always knew she was angry, a caregiver, and probably a little off her rocker but after I thought about what she’s really about, some stories about her were very easy to write. Who knows if those stories will end up important to the plot in the end, but at least it’s a good start. The best progress is that I’m even more excited about writing.

Jump or plan?

2008-08-12T21:34:00.003-04:00

Hello.

I’m feeling stuck in a debate with myself. Maybe it’s just an excuse to not write. Yet it feels like something I need to figure out before continuing. I don’t know if it’s better to plan my writing or just write and then plan it later? I’m curious to know how everyone else does it and yet I know that “how do you do it?” is such a big question that it would be hard to answer.

It’d be easier to ask questions about how to get down that bluff. I want to know how you’d get down the bluff. Do you just jump in and go or do you stand at the top and carefully plan your route before you begin? Is it better for me to be a planner or jumper? Which is the “right” way. Oh for petesake, I always get bogged down in the “right” way.

I’m reading Characters & Viewpoint by Orson Scott Card and it’s already very helpful (even more helpful because I was reading it while I was reading a novel with very good characters). I’m learning about main characters, minor characters, and story types. Suddenly, there are many things that make more sense about the choices writers make. It also suddenly becomes more intimidating. I feel like now I need to know what my main character is doing so that I know what minor characters to bring in. I don’t know what in the world she’s going to end up doing!

Are you a planner? Do you know the basic complete outline of what is going to happen in your story? Do you know the ending before you start? Or are you a jumper? Do you just step up to the edge and go over, making sense of the path as you go down? Or are you somewhere in between with a vague sense of beginning and end, but easily changing course as something pops up? Have you written a story then revised and completely thrown out a character? Changed the plot? Do you just write and later decide who will stay and who will go?

Meanwhile, I have a mental image of where she lives and her daily activities; a few good scenes… but I need to move it along from there. But what’s the right way?

Today’s Progress: You see it.

Lighthouses

2008-08-05T20:46:00.005-04:00

We took a trip to Elk Neck State park last weekend. We had a nice walk to the lighthouse shortly before a rainstorm rolled in. It was a beautiful day and a trip well worth the time it took away from reading, writing, and laundry. I hope to go up there again in the near future, on a day when a thunderstorm isn't forecast.

I had thought about the pictures I could use for a blog about people who light the way and tools that are useful to "writers" like me. Unfortunately, I wasn't clever enough. Then I was blown completely off course by Mr. Smart Aleck. He proudly snapped a picture of me "doin time on my behind" for my blog. After that discussion, I couldn't bring myself to focus on the lighthouse topic.

Today's Progress: No word on my essay submission. No fingernails left to chew. No serious writing in the past few days. However, I'm doing alot of thinking about my character. The book I'm reading is giving me plenty to think about. I wonder how many writers have characters swim around in their head for a long time before writing about them.

Lucky Day

2008-07-29T21:48:00.003-04:00

Me and some of my passions. The rambling explanation follows.

Joanne wrote a nice blog that really made me think. Joanne wrote about passion and what our passions, rituals, or routines to writing are. Lovely blog. (If I knew how to do links, I'd link "Joanne" to her blog).

And there I sat with my pessimistic attitude. Pfffft.... what routine? what writing? I haven't really written diddley-squat since I sent in my essay. (Oh, and btw, I'm checking my email and voicemail approximately 50 times a day, just to make sure I don't miss their contact! And I've suddenly started to leave the mail sit in the box for two and three days at a time. If they send a rejection, it'd be via the United States Postal Service, wouldn't it?) Anyway, as usual, I've lost my focus...

Back to my thoughts about Joanne's blog.

I suddenly had a realization. Oprah, or someone, calls it an "Aha!" moment. I've been trying to sit at the laptop and type my stories. It ends up feeling so forced. So formal. Over much of my lifetime, day after day and page after page, I'd lay on my belly on the livingroom floor and write until my hand felt like it had turned into a claw. I wrote until I had a callous and I felt like I couldn't hold the pen any longer. I'd roll and twist, stretching in the patch of sun I'd find to lay in and I'd go back to writing. Maybe I need to do more of that kind of writing.

My passion for writing... laying somewhere in the sun, on my belly, often with my great-grandmother's feather pillow propping me up.

So, you may be wondering why I titled this blog Lucky Day. Yes, Lucky Day that I read Joanne's blog and found some motivation. But mostly it's a Lucky Day because I talked to both of my sons in one day. The oldest called me on the phone to chat. And to tell me that he'll be visiting us while he's on leave in Septemberish-Octoberish. He'll be with us for two to three weeks!!! How cool is that, Perry? (I'd link this to The Lottery). The excitement about that helped me to ignore the fact that he'll be deploying to Afghanistan in approximately a year. Then, within an hour after that phone conversation, my youngest son was on instant messenger and we were able to "talk" for almost an hour!!!! My utmost respect to mothers of soldiers in the days when letters were the only contact. I can't hardly bear it when several days go by and he's not left me a short message somewhere in cyberspace. But today..... today I had a telephone call from the oldest and an instant message conversation with the youngest straight from Iraq! There's my passion.

As soon as we finished our conversation, I drove straight to the 7-11 and bought some lottery tickets. Hopefully the streak continues. Then I went for a jog. Yup, all this "time on my behind" has been wonderful for my waistline!

Jeesh, I'm a rambling mess. :)

Today's Progress: No writing so far today. But I'm not asleep yet. I have been reading Characters & Viewpoint by Orson Scott Card (as recommended by someone at the Absolute Write forum).

Author bio, submission, and a panic attack.

2008-07-17T23:10:00.003-04:00

Today's Progress: Tons of progress today. I stopped procrastinating. I pulled out the personal essay and added the things they required for submission.... name, address, contact info, name to be used for publication, and *gulp* short, author bio. AUTHOR BIO! What?! Write about myself? In third person? I had a panic attack and began surfing the net. I always thought someone else wrote those. I know I've read hundreds, if not thousands, of the things, but what in the world was the right thing to put on mine???? I jumped into AW chat and asked for direction there. I searched the forums. I searched the net in general. The voices in my head began their battle..... the procrastinating 'fraidy cat said "aw, just wait until tomorrow. Or the next day."

"No, be a responsible grown up and do it now" the mature voice said.

UGH!

Then I realized that I have a bookcase full of Glimmer Train, Tin House, and similar magazines. Examples galore less than 20 steps away. Hurrah! I agonized over <100 words for hours. I settled on 47 words and I'm second-guessing those 47 words more than I'm second-guessing anything in the 2000 words of the essay.

Whew. I'm exhausted. But I'm proud. Sometime during my last fishing trip I realized that my procrastination was more stressful than the actual submission. After all, if I'm going to get another rejection letter, wouldn't it be better to do it quickly. Like ripping a bandaid off of a scab? Why procrastinate for another several months, fearing a rejection letter, THEN send it in? I mean... really.

Fishing and writing

2008-07-13T18:57:00.000-04:00

Today we went to the bay. I waded out and did some fishing. Do you see me out there? The wind was strong and gusty, a storm on the way later today the weatherman said. But while we were out, the weather was spectacular.

At some point, I decided that I felt a little like my WIP. A speck being pushed back and forth. So much of the important stuff not in view. I KNEW there was good stuff under the surface but I didn't know where. I loved it when I got a nibble, a bite, then a fish on! Made it all feel worthwhile. Hated it when I worked and worked and it felt like I made no progress. I stubbed my toe more than once. I cursed everytime I cast out and my bait ended up being blown back at me. At times I felt like I was doing nothing but wasting time.

That's quite a bit how writing feels to me.

Today's Progress: it's 7 pm and i haven't written a thing today. Maybe after I fill my belly with fresh catfish, I'll settle in and write.

Everything but writing

2008-07-07T21:47:00.000-04:00

Well..... then..... all i can say is that vowing to sit and write everyday has been WONDERFUL for my workout motivation. I'm NOT a jogger...but guess who has started jogging? Yup, that would be me. I haven't written at all yet today. I didn't write at all yesterday either. Saturday, I wrote some. Friday, slightly less than that.

I have the short story completed, except to look at it for typos one more time, then to add the information they wanted added to it: name, address, email, blah blah blah. But i'm avoiding it. I'm scared. I'm proud of the story but scared to send it.

I have great ideas about two characters bubbling near the surface of my thoughts...i haven't written about them either.

Instead, I went back out to the woods today. To see if i could jog farther. I'm a bit of hiker. Not a jogger. Saturday we went to the woods, to a new portion of the trail. Great flat spots mixed in with steep hills and rocky river crossing. We went nearly four miles... mostly walking, but i did jog a few steps here and there. So tonight, instead of sitting to write, we went back to the woods.... and i was so motivated to run, that i probably jogged, off and on, for a mile and half. And walked at least that far. (the photo is of one of the flat areas of the jog).

I know Patricia Wood says she procrastinates, but i can't imagine anyone that avoids writing as much as i do (and loves it as much as i do). How about it out there? Anyone else start a novel and finish with running a marathon? Any other outlandish procrastination technique? unexpected outcome? Ugh.

Well... the good thing about the jogging/hiking is that I'm reminded to pull out that awesome book.... The Forest for the Trees: An Editor's Advice to Writers by Betsy Lerner. I read it awhile ago and I liked it alot. I need to add it to my re-read pile. That will make two in my re-read pile and at least 5 in my read pile. Maybe i'll jump into those books tomorrow... after work.. after supper... after my jog.........

But tonight...hmm... I'm not much of a drinker...but maybe i'll have a cocktail.....

Today's Progress: Nothing yet. And two hours until bedtime and counting down!

Feeling Motivated

2008-07-01T19:14:00.000-04:00

Today's Progress: My fresh-set-of-eyes reader gave me back my short, real life story today. She had marked three typos/small suggestions. Otherwise, she said she really liked it. Her husband is an artist, and i think she knows the importance of honest critical feedback so I don't think she watered it down for me. No, no more tense problems. No, no problems with the transitions. No, no confusing/distracting areas. Wohooo. I thanked her for reading it. She thanked me for allowing her to read it. That almost made me faint. I feel funny asking folks to read/critique because I know everyone's time and energy is valuable and limited. I never expected to hear a "thank you for letting me read it." I did a little more editing (the typos and some formatting that I think I need to submit it).

Also, today, I heard a song in my head that has always caused an emotional reaction. I thought about a character I saw on television recently along with the character that's been in my head singing that song (i know Don Henley, it's your song, but i've always imagined someone else with that song line) and suddenly, an idea comes bubbling out. The topic has always been there. The actual visualization of a story worthy character just started to bubble today. I took my notebook with us to supper. I ate sushi, house fried rice, and wrote.

Yesterday's Progress: Reading -- The Best American Short Stories (editor Stephen King)

Writing: Nothing. Zip. Zero. Zilch. Just couldn't do it.

Dreams of Heroes

2008-06-29T13:59:00.001-04:00

Last night I dreamt. I usually dream. Usually fitful bits of dreams that are nonsense. I'm not a good sleeper and my dreams are like my sleep; here, there, random... never really good and never really bad. But last night I slept well and I dreamt about my hero (one of them); about my youngest son.

We were visiting in some unidentifiable but comfortable place. Indoors. Near a stairwell in some sort of rustic and peaceful home. Nothing remarkable or exciting about the dream. Just a visit with alot of chatting, smiling, hugging, and just being there together. Wonderful dream. I won't give any more details about the dream (not that there are many more) just in case Mrs. Queen of the Road wanders over here and finds something clinically significant in my dream! :)

But it was the most beautiful dream i've ever had. Especially so since my youngest is currently deployed in Iraq. My oldest was deployed in 2005. Military parents know about restless nights and long periods of time without contact from their child. The good news is that my youngest son is deployed in a way that he's able to keep brief, but almost daily, contact with me via the computer. I'm not sure if the difference is the length of time that we've had soldiers in Iraq or if it's the difference of location but when my oldest was deployed in 2005, I often didn't hear from him for a week or two at a time. Even though we have regular messages back and forth, I still miss the frequent phone calls without the international lags between comments. I desperately miss the hugs and kisses. I miss having the control that parents like to have regarding being actively involvend in their children's lives.

Everytime I start to complain about how hot it is or how tired I am.... or how much I have to do, I think about all my boys are doing and have done. When I complain about the ungrateful jerks at work, I think about my boys and their buddies and the climate they work in. Whenever I feel like something is too difficult for me to do, I reconsider, with them in my thoughts.

Today, I am extra thankful. I am thankful to the dream gods who let me visit my child last night. Today, I'm being extra careful to not complain... things here are pretty comfy. Today, I am thinking a little extra about my heroes.

Today's Progress: none, so far, on the chapters that could turn into a novel -- but the day is only 1/2 over. Much writing in general -- some additions to things that could be short stories/fiction. And much reading -- a trip to Barnes and Noble for a short story anthology edited by Stephen King and a copy of Queen of the Road (I thought Amazon would have delivered my Holly Kennedy book yesterday... ugh! Oh well... that was a good excuse for today's trip to the bookstore!)

Visions

2008-06-27T19:03:00.000-04:00

Today was a short day at work and I arrived home mid-way through Oprah. I had to walk the dog, feed the cat, and similar homecoming chores, so I didn't focus on the show. But I saw enough to know they were talking about positive self-talk (affirmations) and vision boards. I have a hard time with positive self-talk and always have had. But it's getting a little better. It's something I really have to work on. Especially with my writing.

I made a vision board awhile ago. I liked the idea of having a visual reminder of what I'm trying to do with my life. My vision board came out really well and I look at it every day. Don't laugh... it's hanging in my bathroom. Why? I wanted to be sure to see it every day... in good light.... while i'm not very distracted with everything else. What better place than the bathroom (that is, until i get my dream home where I have a "library" room... or a "womb room" as my friend called her special room. More about that another time.)

I don't think there's anything magical about the vision board. I do think that if we put good thoughts out into the world, we are more likely to get good things back. I know that I can't just make a vision board and then become published without some hard work. I KNOW I have to do some hard time on my behind and do some serious writing. It won't just happen.

But then again, Mary J Blige is an important part of my board. I put her on the board because of the emotion she exudes through her music. I've seen a video of her work editing her music and she was so passionate about needing it to "feel" right. Mary J touches me. She inspires me. Then out of the blue, i find out that not only will she be in concert in Baltimore, but that we had tickets!!!! Just like that. I wish I could tell her how she inspires me and how excited I was to see her sing. I wish I had a way to tell her that her picture is on my vision board and has been.

With some work, belief, and focus on my vision .... maybe the rest of my dreams will come true in one way or another. Oh... and by the way... I don't have a Mazda 8 but I sure enough have a new Mazda 3 that I love! Hmmm... hard work and vision somehow outweighed bad credit.

C'mon "published author" dream!! :) And on that note... I have to scooooot! Gotta get some grown up responsibilities taken care of before I can settle in for the evening and write.

Today's Progress: A few random pages of free writing. Trying to practice the "showing" not the "telling". I will settle in a write some more later.

Yesterday's progress: I finished the umpteenth version of my short story (memoir) and gave it to a new reader for a fresh look and another opinion. I think it's very close to submission.

Day Two

2008-06-25T20:39:00.000-04:00

Today's Progress: Many authors have published many books. And I struggle with completing a <2000 word short story. But I have to be careful not to compare myself to others. I know that if I do that, I end up feeling inadequate and discouraged. So today I'll celebrate. Today I made progress.

I took advantage of a slow day at work. I did more editing and checking for typos. I've whittled it down to 2010 words. That was difficult, but now that the extra words are out, it seems to read even better. Soon I'll ask a fresh set of eyes to do a final read. I rushed home, checked for messages from my kids, walked the dog, and "made" an easy supper (frozen pizza... is there much easier than that?) then I got down to business. I double-checked the submission guidelines and I researched advice for formatting and submitting. I made some more progress and I'm proud of that.

I refuse to feel guilty about the housework that needs done. In fact, I think i'm going to sit down and try to write some more on something else.

Welcome to my blog.

2008-06-24T20:25:00.000-04:00

Well hello out there! Welcome to my blog. I've been a lurker for a long time and today I've finally started a blog of my own.

Over time I've discovered a few blogs that I look forward to and check daily. I'm excited everytime there's a new post. Most of these blogs are by authors or aspiring writers whom I admire. They share laughs and tears. Sometimes they give really good advice. For this I"m appreciative.

I haven't started my own blog for a variety of reasons. On the few occasions that I've left comments on other blogs, I sign as anonymous... Dawn Anon. I've toyed with the idea of my own blog but.... what would I say? Would it be interesting enough for anyone to read? What would be the purpose? Much like the barriers to my creative writing. Why? Why bother? What do I have to say that is worth reading? The other barrier to my writing is actually sitting and doing it. Putting my behind in that chair and my fingers on the keyboard.

So here I am.... joining the group in a less anonymous way and making an attempt at becoming more disciplined at the sitting and the doing. If I'm blogging, I'm sitting and writing. And that's a start! If I share my writing progress, that's a form of accountabililty. Wow, do I need some accountability!

Welcome folks.

Today's Progress: I pulled out a short, life story that needs more editing. I've already gone through the process of writing, re-writing, re-writing, and asking for feedback from multiple readers. I feel like I'm very near a submittable work. And I know where to submit it, if it's finished by December. I got a little intimidated and put it away. I hadn't worked on it for months. Today, I pulled it out and worked on it for almost two hours.